You understand that everyone has their own little idiosyncrancies. You accept your significant other just as they are. But you can’t help but wonder when are they going to give you a break.
It was a mistake. You keep telling your spouse time and again that what happened was a mistake. As usual it goes in one ear and out the other. Your significant other for whatever reason just cannot bring themselves to say something like, “Oh well. No big deal.” Of course not. That would be too much like right.
Instead you get the lecture. You were told time and again that if only you would do a better job of planning then none of this would have happened. Or if only you had done a better job of communicating then none of this confusion would have taken place.
Unfortunately because your significant other is so relentless with their condemnation of you , it becomes very easy for you to sit there and internalize their abuse. Resistance becomes futile as you offer up valid but weak defenses. The blame is yours and yours alone. All of this makes you fragile and your partner that much more powerful.
But what about when the shoe is on the other foot? Something occurs that is clearly their fault. Maybe they forgot that guests were coming for dinner. Or they were supposed to pay one of the bills that were due today. What then? That’s when they really get on their high horse and throw it right back in your lap. If you had taken the necessary actions then they would not have needed to pay the bill today.
Enough is enough. Failure to take responsibility for one’s action is a major flaw. It also means they are suffering from a severe case of insecurity. No one gets it right all the time especially in a relationship. From time to time there comes a point when everyone has to admit that they bear the blame for whatever did or didn’t occur.
Not being able to do that is corrosive. It can turn any relationship from equal partnership (as it should be) to master and servant. Sure they love you and you love them but part of building a healthy relationship is give and take from both parties. One person always taking the blame and the other more than happy to give it them is not going to help.
Letting it go can be admirable but every now and then you have to make it clear that you are not the “help”. Do it with love but do it.
About the author
Article written by Daryl Campbell ? The Relationship Tip - Being wrong is part of being human; it’s also part of being in a relationship. But if the other person can’t accept this basic fact then watch out.
Tags: abuse resistance, condemnation, confusion, failure, high horse, insecurity, job, mistake, necessary actions, partnership, relationship
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